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A little quiz to test your road manners.

We all know that there are marked differences in how bikers and car drivers see things. Bikers ride defensively, car drivers appear (to this non car driver) to take a more aggressive stance on the road. So which one are you? This little test should sort out which kind of vehicle you should be using (if indeed at all).

Q1. You’re coming up to a bend. Do you?

a. Bring your speed down in a controlled manner, keep the revs steady on the entry to the bend, gradually increasing the power as you exit, keeping an eye on the vanishing point all the time

b. Plough on into the bend regardless, brake half-way through and not even realise you are seriously compromising your suspension

c. No idea – the chauffeur does it all for you

Q2. It has started to rain. Do you?

a. Back off your speed a touch, concentrate on keeping everything smooth and look out for those tell-tale “rainbow” patches on the road

b. Go much, much faster and leap in and out of gaps you’d never touch in the dry, as it is raining and you want to get out of the wet

c. No idea – the chauffeur looks after that kind of thing

Q3. There is a traffic jam up ahead. Do you?

a. Filter carefully between the lines of traffic, all the time keeping your eyes open for sudden manoeuvres by other traffic

b. Sit there, getting more and more wound up, leaping from one lane to another to get one more car length forward, only to find the other lane is now moving faster

c. Get your chauffeur to call up the Head of Police in the area to organise an escort

Q4. You see a biker standing by the side of the road. He is clearly having problems with his bike. Do you?

a. See if he needs assistance

b. Gloat and drive straight past

c. Tell your chauffeur to call the Head of Police to have the biker arrested, as he is obviously loitering with intent

Q5. You see an accident. Do you?

a. Pull up, see if you can offer assistance and help direct the traffic until the emergency services arrive (who you will probably have called in the first place)

b. Slow up to have a good look, then drive on without any further thought for your fellow man

c. Ask your chauffeur to get away from the scene as fast as possible, in case there is any bad publicity

Q6. It is a lovely day and you fancy going out to your local beauty spot. Do you?

a. Enjoy the trip there, as there are some lovely twisty roads on the way and the warmth of the day feels great on your face

b. Have a miserable trip there, fight for parking space at the beauty spot and then get stuck in a traffic jam on the way home

c. Call the local Head of Police and get all bikers banned from visiting the beauty spot in the first place

Q7. You’re heading down the road when you see a biker up ahead, sitting comfortably in the line of traffic, maintaining a constant speed. Do you?

a. If he is slower than you want to go, move into the next lane after first checking it is safe to move over, giving him a cheerful wave as you go past

b. Decide that he has left an inch of space next to him, so it is fair game to come and share the same piece of tarmac, or try to pressure him out of the way

c. Get your chauffeur to call the local Head of Police to have him arrested, as he is obviously doing something anti-social

Q8. You are caught speeding. Do you?

a. Take your medicine like a man, being very polite, removing your helmet and admitting you were in the wrong, but it was a lovely dry day and there was nothing else on the road

b. Get pissed off, moan no end and try to squirm out of it in any way possible

c. Despite having asked for zero tolerance on speeding, say that your speedo is obviously not reading accurately. Then sack your chauffeur once you get home.

Q9. Having run out of some essential items, you pop down to the local supermarket. Do you?

a. Enjoy the trip there, use the emptiest parts of the car park to practice your braking and slow-motion manoeuvres, then get all the abandoned shopping trolleys out of your space before purchasing your goods

b. Have a miserable trip there, get annoyed, then get into a battle over parking spaces so park in the disabled bay, then wonder why someone is seriously annoyed at you when you come back

c. Get the new chauffeur to drive down there with a list

Q10. You are filling in a questionnaire about road users. There is a question about your opinion of bikes in general. Do you?

a. Say that they are a great bunch of people and if biking was encouraged, there would be far fewer jams on the road.

b. Say they are the scum of the earth and shouldn’t be let on the road with everyone else, what with all their dangerous filtering, leaving their headlights on and the rest.

c. Put forward a motion in Parliament to make life as difficult as possible for bikers, including hopefully a complete ban on their visiting anywhere you might want to go

THE ANSWERS

If you answered mostly a

You are a biker – you take things in your stride, are generally pretty considerate and enjoy your time on the road

If you answered mostly b

You are a car driver – anything and anyone else on the road is a nuisance, especially those nasty bikers

If you answered mostly c

You are a politician – obviously the Sainted Tony is excepted…

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